Speaking: 'In' tongues

Here at Toggertista there is a growing concern that football has become so ingratiated into British culture that we are no longer able to commentate on it with the poetic reverence of, well to be honest, every single other UN recognised state. If we have learnt anything from Steve McClaren and Joey Barton its that adopting a foreign dialect whilst maintaining a complete ignorance of the actual language can actually help you to achieve status above your station in football. So join Gerard Gatter du Sud, and the finest on-line translator money refuses to be spent on as he teaches you to sound like English is your second language to make football your first:

LESSON 2

Bogged down in midfield; Often used to describe an attritional game of football, skilled British commentators and pundits alike will often revert to the banal observation that the game has become bogged down in midfield instead of crap.

In the words of uniform Blighty uniform football speak: ‘With both teams playing six through the middle of the park, Aston Villa vs Wigan Athletic is becoming a little bogged down in midfield.’

In the words of Gerard Gatter du Sud:

LESSON 1

To make oneself big, re:  Goalkeeper(s);  often football commentators use this idiom to describe a point at which the goalkeeper has used the mathematical phenomena of geometry to his advantage when posed with a ‘one on one' scenario, with a striker bearing down on goal it is up to the goalkeeper to move closer to the attacking player in an effort to become a more imposing component of his perspective and thus he made himself big.

In the words of uniform Blighty football speak: ‘A wonderful save by Neville Southall, the goalkeeper really made himself big there at the feet of Ian Woan to deny a certain goal.’

In the words of Gerard Gatter du Sud: